![]() ![]() ![]() At first glance, it might seem that with all the social distancing and stay at home orders, the impact would be negative. The pandemic has had a huge impact on dating. And, perhaps most importantly, what side of you they bring out. Things like kindness, loyalty, emotional stability, the ability to make hard decisions together, a growth mindset. Those aren’t the things that lead to long term relationship success, but, merely showing those things, makes them seem more important.ĭating apps, unfortunately, perpetuate some of the superficiality, and people focus on those things more, as opposed to what they should be focusing on, the things that we know relationship science has found are correlated with long-term relationship success. Apps can measure height, they can measure age, they can measure your job, and they can measure your ability to upload photos that you look flattering in. If you think about what a dating app can measure, it’s very limited in what’s quantifiable. Find love or die trying sex how to#While we’re born knowing how to love, we’re not necessarily born knowing how to date. That’s one of the things I’m trying to correct in the book.ĭating is actually a very new thing in the span of human history. We have this wonderful field of relationship science that can tell us this is what matters, and this is what doesn’t, for long-term relationships, but most people don’t have access to that information. Dating, and what to optimize for in a long-term partner, isn’t an inherently known thing. ![]() Dating is actually a very new thing in the span of human history. But also, it’s hard to know what matters in romantic relationships. We’re bad at predicting how future situations will make us feel. Logan Ury: In general, we’re bad at affective forecasting. Why are we so bad at identifying what will make us happy in a long-term relationship? Find love or die trying sex series#Something we both agreed on: a great long-term relationship is the culmination of a series of good decisions, and we need to learn more about how to make those good decisions.Ĭhristina Gravert: You provide plenty of evidence in your book that, when it comes to dating, people often focus on superficial characteristics that are not predictive of whether someone will make a loving and reliable partner. We discussed the biases that often stand in the way of love, the ways the pandemic has affected our love lives, and how Hinge is using behavioral science to get people off their app as fast as possible and into happy relationships. I recently had the chance to sit down with Logan over Zoom, she in San Francisco, I in Copenhagen. Combining everything behavioral science has to offer with her own experience from coaching clients, she provides answers to many of the questions my friends and I so often discussed. Her new book, How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science that Will Help You Find Love , is a data-driven guide to relationships, filled with exercises and tools to help you detect your behavioral biases and nudge yourself to better relationships. Why not relationships?Įnter Logan Ury, behavioral scientist, dating coach, and director of relationship science at the dating app Hinge. There is no shortage of work on how to apply behavioral science to other aspects of our lives to improve our productivity, health, or financial well-being. I began wondering what a behavioral science approach to romantic relationships might look like. We discussed questions like, Am I too picky? Why did he ghost me? How do I know if it is “the spark” or just anxiety? Should we move in together or get married first? Could I be happier with someone else? What if we break up and I never find someone better? Over the past few years, I have spent countless evenings with friends chatting over a bottle of wine analyzing their behavior as well as the behavior of the people they were dating. So it might come as no surprise that I enjoy applying the same analytical methods to my private life (as you might have read in “How to Date Like a Game Theorist”.) As a behavioral economist, I spend most of my work life trying to understand why people do what they do and how the right tools and nudges can help them improve their decision-making. ![]()
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